Conundrum

I used to be this shy & reserved guy who
didn't get much attention from the girls.
But then again everyone liked & respected the shy me,
while I hated myself.

Now I am self-confident & somewhat cocky.
I do get a lot of attention from the girls.
But not many like the self-confident me
while I am extremely satisfied with myself!

Promiscuous Life

I am gonna let you in on a secret.
After his endless efforts,
'Life' has finally managed to make me pregnant as well!
---
How come 'Life' never stands trial for
his continuous raping cases?

Steps-ville feat. Elevator-man

Hey dude how many times do I have to explain this?
I am not an American Indian &
my name is definitely not Your-Step-Towards-Success!
'SO BACK OFF & FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO CLIMB!!'

A Superfluous Confession

Ok, as hard as it is, I have decided to come clean & admit it!
Us men are puny in comparison to the opposite sex.
I mean hey, I have never even shown an aptitude for this skill!
How can all women, in groups, talk & listen to all, simultanously?
Hmmm... GOD! even my medical knowledge fails me!
I guess I need a break!

Signed by an Ex-male-chauvinist

The Big Bang Theory

- Can I invite you to dinner tomorrow?
- (a nod & a blush)

2+2=4.0000...0001

Would you rather await the bullies in your own front yard
or pay a fortune to invite them all to the notorious-neighbor's yard
down the block for dealing with the lethal affairs elsewhere?
well, alright dear! You can still hold on to your Peace-&-Liberty placard!

Victor was a loser

Have you ever been in a situation where,
a simple 'You are right' or 'I was wrong',
could lead to a happy ending?
Well, I haven't.
---
These three innocent words tend to backfire most often,
with the other person somewhat gaining more ground
& trying to push forward for an emphatic victory!
---
Advice: Unlike other products, only try the words at home & when totally alone!

Cameras also lie

The last two punches in the monkey's stomach did the trick
He started naming the traitors in the order he could remember;
"Parents, Friends, Teachers, Politicians & the Clerics"
They had all taken part in forming what he was today,
without letting him learn & decide the rights & the wrongs in life.
How did they know what was RIGHT anyway? 'The Right Stuff' Textbook!?
He had never doubted their authority so much, until then.
---
You? huh! You-Who?
Look again in the mirror!
You are them...

A,B,C,D...

You know what?

I am still undecided!

I can't seem to decide which one is more tragic;

9/11, Titanic or the first day of school... hmmm...

Enjoy The Silence

It is easier to forgive,
when you get to understand,
all their bitter actions are aimed
at sexually ensuring human race's survival.
---
(& we are one of them.)

Safe Sex Syndicate

"... this has become a two-horse race, John!
The Persian mule & the American elephant are in the lead!"
"& No sign of the chasing pack!
They are just one corner short of the finish line!
Who do you think will win this prestigious title, Bob?"
"This will be a close one!
Here they come folks!
HANG ON TO YOUR HORSES EVERYONE!
WOW!! A CHANGE OF COURSE PERHAPS!?
Shockingly rapid comes the Vatican amorphe from behind
& yes he's close, he passes them, & now,... JESUS CHRIST!!
He's done it! he has crossed the finish-line "
"Or perhaps Crossed the finish-line! Huh!
can you say this 5 times fast, Bob?
'Crossed the cross, crossed with a cross'!"
'Chuckles' "Thanks John!
He's come out clean, way ahead of the leading duo!
The Now Vaticanian is our surprise winner of the season!!"
"& with an amazing pace & in style as well,
setting a new world record!
UN-F*CKING-BELIEVABLE! "
"The F-WORD John!! Does your mom know!? 'a forced hahaha'
We'll have a special interview right after the commercials..."

'Stupid music tone plays as the commercials kick the air'
"Give anyone species too much rope & they'll f*ck it up folks!
Now our ropes come with a free pack of WHO approved
condoms for you & your child's safety, & tha'ts no 'safe tea'!" 'lame laughters'
"'Safe Sex Syndicate Ropes'
Disclaimer: Pay attention to the SSS hologram upon purchase."
...

The F-word Manual

To insult someone greatly when you are totally pissed off,
use the F-word + you.

Caution: Do not apply the rule in cases where
your intended insult might act as a reward & the reply
might come as WHEN!

A GOD-gernade & a Sanity bullet-proof cloak

This is an empty-handed arm robbery!
Put all the money in your vault in this bag.
Anybody moves & I curse you all to go to hell.

Your mamma's got you a 54-color-pencil pack?

I will have to buy me a guide-dog, black shades
& a white convertible cane to match my color-blind cover.
Then with the cane I can Morse an SOS to
the unknown endoteressial creatures to get rid of
the ever-color-changing monsters on this planet.
---
Look buddy;
I like the black,
Don't mind the white,
In fact I don't resent the unicolor at all.
Yet tolerating the Zebras of rainbow stripes,
proves to be out of my powers dude.
Now will that make me a racist to some extent or what?

Nasdaq, Wallstreet & the unknown Cheeseburger

Personality is the only double-priced product in the market.
A tag of your own estimation
& a tag of others judgement.

Well you can always choose to sell yourself
but the reason I never enter the market is due
to the threat of being sold unwillingly & undervalued.